Five Years Later

I randomly came across an old blog I created when I was a teen in high school....... Similar to this one, but it was actually a diary. I created it under a fake name, with a fake profile so that nobody would find it, but if somebody wanted to.... you could.
Anyway, it was written EXACTLY 5 years ago today....... Here is an excerpt:

If it's the last thing I do.... I will never give up again with what I want. I don't care anymore, and I will never put my trust in a guy again who can't come through. I was right about ___, so I'm pretty sure I can be right about this.

"You've got to trust your instincts

And let go of regrets

You've got to bet on yourself now, star

Cuz that's your best bet"

I want to be in love with life again. I want to laugh and enjoy my senior year with my best friends. I want to let ____ know that she can't hurt me anymore. I want to be free.

Wow....... I read that and my jaw dropped. I forgot about how determined I was...how driven.... and I wonder what happened in the past five years.... I have more direction, but not that same spark. Do I need to be completely miserable for me to want to make a change?

If that's a yes....I'm pretty disappointed in who I am. But I have to say that I am extremely proud of the fact that three months later, I made everything I wanted happen.... and beyond.