Five Years Later

I randomly came across an old blog I created when I was a teen in high school....... Similar to this one, but it was actually a diary. I created it under a fake name, with a fake profile so that nobody would find it, but if somebody wanted to.... you could.
Anyway, it was written EXACTLY 5 years ago today....... Here is an excerpt:

If it's the last thing I do.... I will never give up again with what I want. I don't care anymore, and I will never put my trust in a guy again who can't come through. I was right about ___, so I'm pretty sure I can be right about this.

"You've got to trust your instincts

And let go of regrets

You've got to bet on yourself now, star

Cuz that's your best bet"

I want to be in love with life again. I want to laugh and enjoy my senior year with my best friends. I want to let ____ know that she can't hurt me anymore. I want to be free.

Wow....... I read that and my jaw dropped. I forgot about how determined I was...how driven.... and I wonder what happened in the past five years.... I have more direction, but not that same spark. Do I need to be completely miserable for me to want to make a change?

If that's a yes....I'm pretty disappointed in who I am. But I have to say that I am extremely proud of the fact that three months later, I made everything I wanted happen.... and beyond.

El Scorcho

I love practical jokes. A lot of people shit their pants when they saw this public message:

"Dear Howl Family, The due date is June 3rd! Love, Eric and Cecilia

I can't blame anyone at work for believing the message... I think I can even barf from how adorable we are

:D

The last post was pretty intense. You have to take the good with the bad. So to prevent you all from carting me to an institution, let me help your heart rate go down with some holiday cheer. With the inspiration of Julie Andrews, here are a few of my favvvvvvvvvvvvvorite things................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas in Colorado

Getting embarrassed for birthdays

Lazy Cats

$2 Tuesdays (Especially now that BJ's can in turn "suck it")

Being an absolute nerd for studying something that amazes me everyday

Of course there is more..... it's just that I've spent 30 minutes doing this when I supposedly have a final tomorrow morning. Procrastination is also one of my favorite things!

This is as random as it gets

I just cried over an ice cream scoop that I found in the kitchen when I was packing up the apartment. I am an absolutely terrible person, and I will never forgive myself for the hurt I have caused. I don't deserve to be happy and lately, only good things have been happening for me.

The dinner for the evening that has been served nightly this past week is having Guilt as a starter, than Minor Depression as the main course with a side of Self Destruction. Followed for dessert is Pity and Loathing and a good Chianti.

Ba-da-bing!

I love change. I embrace it. I find the line... and deliberately cross it whenever possible. Confidence is sexy... cockiness is not.

But what happens when you apply this to dating? You get a melting pot of trouble. It wasn't until this year of '09 that I decided to try a different approach... going for men that I'm not interested in.

Please don't laugh. I know that sounds senseless, but I started to think that maybe I was only choosing men who I thought I wanted and ignoring the great ones because they might have lacked something that I wouldn't see past a friendship. After seeing the same patterns of failed relationships....sometimes you have to try something different, maybe something would stick.

This approach has not turned out well.... I tried dating the rich-boy, the jock, the motorcycle guy, the black guy (my 1st one!), the nerd (my all time fav's to go out with).... all turned out to be disappointing. The jock is still obsessed with themselves and physical apperances, the nerd would still rather play Call of Duty than cuddle, and the rich boy doesn't take no for an answer (surprise, surprise).

Oh what's a girl to do? The best thing I can provide right now, is to provide for myself... Being myself has gotten me into more trouble and attracted more unwanted things than anything else, but I'm never going to stop being a fun-loving gal who wants to fall in love again because guys want to be difficult.

I know the whole "take lemons, make lemonade" line. It's good, but sometimes, it just DOESN'T WORK.

There are nights where you are up all night (not from a good thing), and there are mornings that you're running so late to work that you forget your lunch and/or coffee and you pray to God that your boss isn't going to notice you sneaking in late....

Today was THAT morning. No sleep, late for work, no coffee or lunch. It was a terrible combo.

And it was my first day as a shelver in the bookstore....I was in an unknown section in the store, looking like a little girl in a land of books..... I clutched my PDT to me and stared at the tasks at hand, having no idea wtf I was doing.

And then it happened.















Luckily (ha) I was bending down shelving a few books when the book landed on the top of my head/forehead. But because I didn't see it coming and it hurt, my first reaction was , "OUCH!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!"

When I looked up, I saw 3 people staring at me and forgot that I was standing smack dab in the Religious Christian Inspiration Section.

And That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles!!!

It was an average day of work; dressed in all black from head to toe, got my hair curled and my makeup set.... really, no one likes an ugly server, so I try to be sure to look my best and a little more when cocktailing at BJ's Restaurant and Brewery. I'm strolling in with my energy drink and apron, thinking nothing of the young man dressed in a shirt and tie, sitting at the front by the bar. I continue on my way with greeting/sharking tables and found myself to be extremely busy during "happy" hour.

About an hour or so goes by, and once the second cocktail arrived, I was able to cool down and focus on my own section instead of the entire bar. This is the point where that same young man from the front waves to me. I look over and wave back, thinking to myself, If that guy wants service, he'll need to walk his ass up here to get a drink.... When I realize I actually do know him. He happened to be a guy I had a math class with... and also a huge crush on.


This got me... a bit flustered. I hadn't seen him in months, and all of a sudden he's sitting outside my section, looking extra handsome (dress shirts and ties are my weakness), and he's watching me with my tables. I then calmly walked over to the back towards the to-go station to take a "breather." I was blushing so much that the little group of people who were standing by me were able to notice and comment on how I suddenly turned into a tomato who couldn't speak well. My manager then turned to me and said, "DO NOT pass out on me. What's your problem?" I than began to explain that the gentleman at the front was a guy I knew and hadn't seen in awhile... and somehow added that I really liked him from my math class.

Which is when they began to laugh. I turn around, and there are 4 guys standing with me at to-go. Once they are done chuckling and knee slappin' themselves, one looks up and goes, "Oh Cecilia... I OWN you now.... what are you going do to for me to keep this secret?"

I was completely baffled. Who cares if I like(d) a guy? Go ahead... tell that complete stranger at the front. It's been so long since I've last seen him, it will probably be months again till I do. I looked over at my manager who also was laughing. What was I missing here?

"Cecilia? You're talking about "blank" over there? I just hired him."

Jokes on me... thank goodness I did my hair that day.