Lost and found entry

I don't remember what I was so upset about. I counted the bank money furiously and slammed a few things around. I couldn't think straight, I just knew I was pissed and I wasn't sure what I was going to say to him when I saw him next.

There was a knock on the office door. My mind completely stopped, interuppted by reality. I stacked the money together nicely and placed it to the side before opening the door.

There he stood, asking to come in. As angry as I was, to see him biting his nails so nervously made my anger disappear as relief took it's place: he never says sorry, and here he is. I don't think he even had to say anything to have made me as happy as I was at the fact that he was at my door. I looked at him sheepishly and welcomed him in, although I'm sure our manager would probably disapprove of us being alone in the office together.

This is the part where I can't finish. It's the end of it that still kind of kills me. It's one of the best memories I have, despite the circumstances.

Brains and Buffalos

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. 
 
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. This is why you usually feel smarter after a couple of drinks.

 

Here's to becoming faster buffaloes

I don't need to go through a hard time to know that God is on my side, just a reminder that he's a lot closer than I think. It would be stupid of me to think I can go through this alone, because I can't. I have no strength to try, but that's where He comes in to deliver what I can't, and for that.... I thank Him.

 

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

(Psalms 73:26)

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

1 Peter 5:6-7(NKJV)



Who Needs Your Drama?

I think it's pretty amazing to be able to write about something hurtful, but have it come out with a happy ending. In this case, there is no complete happy ending to the problem. However, the bit of happy that does occur is that my heart won't allow it to overtake me or effect me past this.... "initial shock", if you will.

To better explain, I found out something extremely hurtful last night. It destroyed a friendship and hurt my heart when thinking about how much I once cared about this other person who I was once in love with.

But as swiftly as the hurtful emotions came, they just as swiftly left me. I really have no worries, regrets, or hard feelings. Life is still.... great

Besides....there are much better things worth giving time to then to focus on negative people

(introducing my sweet new kitten, Toulouse)

The Good Stuff

This blog is based off the following bible verse:


Phil 4:8- Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.


That verse explains this entry in its entirety.  I don't want to go a single day not praising God for the most wonderful people and things that He has blessed me with. Life is too good to sweat the small stuff, I just want to embrace it instead of regret it.

And if anything.... I don't ever want my life to go too fast to not appreciate everyone and everything.

These are the kinds of things that make life worth living:



Doing what I love, and loving what I do

Knowing you can still count on your best friend from when you were 15, who loves you no matter what





Still finding time to do the things I love most (not drinking, but special events like the private art museum gala :D), regardless of how packed my work week gets



Family










Being blessed with an amazing co-teacher, who turned out to be a great friend also. I wouldn't have had such a great school year if it weren't for my support teacher

 

Making new friends

 



Reconnecting with old friends ("old" as in friends from the past ;P)





Being blessed with a rare job opportunity that is opening up a million more doors to my future.... something I'd been praying about for years



Quality time and play



 



Making Out ;)











Being absolutely and completely blessed to have the best roommate and friend here in Texas



And above all.... I'm thankful to be able to live in a country that is not ruled by extremists or under harsh confinements that  allows us to have freedom of speech and the right to worship our own God. 

Sorry if I got all patriotic on ya'll, but really.... I think that Americans don't know how good we really have it. I'm so thankful to be where I am right now, and I want to continue to work as hard as I can to try to make life great for me and everyone else :)

On the Other Side of Things....

I present to you the first "Cecilia" song by artist Louis Prima in the 1950's (one of my favorite eras!):

Does your mother know you're out, Cecilia?

Does she know that I'm about to steal ya?

Oh my, when I look into your eyes,

Something tells me you and I should get together

How's about a little kiss, Cecilia?

Just a kiss you'll never miss, Cecilia...

Why do we two keep on wasting time

Oh, Cecilia say that you'll be mine.

But here's the real meat of this post.... I'm really pretty happy being single. I like that for once, I can just put myself and my needs first. I don't have to babysit anyone... I don't have to lay awake at night worrying that I might be dating a scumbag. Or the other way around.... or whatever.

I've been a real bitch with writing so pessimistically now that I've started co-writing the Douchebag blog. It's almost a little unfair in the fact that I really am not against dating; I've met some of the most awesome and interesting guys, it's just.... just that. Not much more. And then there's.... well, all of the douchebags.

I decided today when I was talking to a friend, that the advice I actually give needs to be FULLY applied to my life. I'm hypocritical if I tell my friends to stop thinking about their past significant other and to get past all the bad stuff, if I myself keep throwing up my own red flags when a guy comes along. I need to give people more of the benefit of the doubt, it's just hard when I automatically think back to past assholes. So, from now on:

*I will stop comparing present people to the past people. I will do everything I can to remember that not every guy is the same (maybe they don't ALL want sex? Maybe?)


*I will no longer let any person in my past hold me back from continuing to be the amazing person that I am (that they obviously didn't see in time) and all the goals that I want to accomplish.

And if that goal is to be in a relationship, so be it. I just know I'll never settle again.

Get the Facts Straight

Mexico was amazing... coming back to Houston.... not so much.

I wish I didn't have to come back from Cozumel to hear about people whose implications are absolutely tearing me apart.

I am entitled to be happy with whomever I want or choose to be with, which is just the same in your case. Some relationships don't work out, some do.

For those of you who know what I'm talking about, please go back to my past blog dated October 19th, 2010. Or better yet, any of my posts that were written in March 2010.

Now, tell me if my Facebook status about a certain guy never making me happy was about him.

You do the math. You should have known that at one point, yes, everything was great and amazing. But it didn't work out. It wasn't going to work out. We tried... and God knows that I tried. I don't care if you're upset about him and I. It was OUR relationship, not yours.

And now, *shocker*, things are different. We're dating other people, which means... there are different things going on that have nothing to do with him and I. It's been months, we're over it. That's how life works, you can't just stay stuck in the past. Time to go forward.

And also.... I'm very different about breakups than other people.

When someone gets betrayed by their signficant other, they usually don't want anything to do with them and want to forget the past. Even though I might have felt betrayed and hurt and wished I could forget it all, the past is not something that you can just take back. Which is why I've never tried to change or alter it.

If you're really going to "dig" into my Facebook, you'll notice that anything I have ever posted about a good time/event that I've had in the past few years with another person has NEVER been deleted. This includes "relationship" pictures, profile pics with the other person, wall posts, notes, etc. I don't want to forget the good times, what's the use of erasing them? I get no satisfaction in trying to. Everybody is different with how they "mourn" a relationship.

Nonetheless.... I'm happy to be where I have been.

So with all this said and done:

Leave me and my current dating situations alone; leave my past alone. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and everything has its own ups and downs.

Just stop trying to bring me down too.