Whoever said life was fair? A complete idiot.

I'm not one to really want to complain about the current situation I'm in, but then again, why is it that great opportunities refuse to spread themselves out over time when they're in my favor? I don't like being bombarded with too many choices that all seem too good to pass up. So although things seem to be looking UP UP UP for me... here comes the downside of not knowing what the fuck to do with it all.

I finally just figured out the hidden mystery of what to do with myself in a college setting. It feels amazing to not be aimlessly walking around a campus wondering what purpose I have being there (oh yeah... because it's the American Dream to go to college and waste thousands of your money/parents money on partying and switching majors ten million times). So, after months of research and trying to get some kind of degree plan down, I've been shoved in the hussle and bussle of transfering transcripts and talking to advisors to get to my goal of finishing school (in 10 years), when amazing jobs start calling my name.

I love to work. I'd rather work than be a student. Guess what? That's why I don't have a degree. I put school second in everything I do, and I'm still degree-less and working twice as hard for half the money that I could be making.

I know, I know, boo hoo Cecilia.... we're just now getting out of a recession, and I'm complaining that I have too many jobs and too many people who want me to work for them. I don't want to take what I have for granted. But how much of that do I do when I work myself into the ground each week with 75+ hours?

I worked one job of 45 hours the week of Spring Break, and felt like I was on vacation. I think I've made myself get addicted to working so harshly, and I really want to stop.

I feel like the kids I teach make just as much of an impact on my quality of life as I do theirs. I don't want to stop teaching, but it's impossible to try to keep it up and be a student myself. Nonetheless, I still HAVE to work to pay my bills. I will never really know the luxury of what it means to be just a full time student UNLESS I can prove myself to the school with good enough grades to be able to get grants and scholarships to pay for my needs.

I'm going to hate leaving the school to be able to go to college. But I'm going to hate not going to college if all I did was the school.

I can't quit the hospital because of future job opportunities and because of tuition reimbursment. Besides the fact that I have to get a 2.5 to get the reimbursment, I WILL NOT allow myself to get anything below a 3.8. I want to do this, and do it right. I'm pretty sure that goal will not be anywhere near obtainable with working 75 hours.


So.... how the hell do I solve this equation?