Hate.

I'm in a state of mind where the last year of my life feels like a total waste. I don't know how to get my bounce back or my motivation, and above all, I'm losing faith in everything I thought I knew. I don't even know where to begin to start counteracting this. I felt like this before 5 years ago and pulled myself out, but the underlying problem wasn't me then... and now it is. I really honestly think I hate life and humanity.

There's a song I came across describing a girl who can't stand to watch things hurt and cries over wanting to change it. That IS me. But instead of having a drive to change it, I just sit and cry. It's pathetic, I feel useless, and the fact I know all this and still do nothing makes me feel even better. I just have to admit it first, give it time, and then hope that this post will disgust me in the future and make me never want to return to this. Here's to hoping I'll get to that point.

Life Lessons #1

Life isn't over after a breakup.... it's best to learn from them and to move on with a lesson well learned, instead of sulking and letting that baggage from another hurt the next relationship. You never know when Mr/s. Right will come along, and it would be such a shame to ruin it because the last person didn't know how to treat you right.

I'm writing this in hopes it might help whomever is reading this... but also as a reminder for myself since I tend to not listen to my own wisdom when times get hard.

"It must be time to move on now, without the fear of how it might end........"

It's better to end things and move on then to hold onto something that will never work. This should apply to everything, but stubborn people like me always learn the hard way.

I can love and enjoy life being alone... I've done it before, it's just time to get on the bicycle again.

Another love collage:

My nephew

Howl at the Moon

My perfect roommate

Him :)

Spring Break 2010

Here are the highlights of the best spring break I have ever had: 2 days in Dallas that consisted of a hockey game, an amazing steak dinner, 10 hours of riding rollar coasters, drinks with old friends, a wedding dinner, St. Pattie's day, and the Brooks and Dunn Last Rodeo Concert. Yeah!

Colorado Avalanche vs. Dallas Stars Game.... 5-3, Avs kicked ass! And it was Eric's first hockey game :)

Visiting Christine and George (who is MIA) in Dallas at THE MAT!

St Pattie's Day: Dancing (a little jig?), Laughter, and Friends :D

Brooks and Dunn:

Smurf Kisses?

:D

Happy Anniversary to Not Dating a Douchebag

It was a year ago this month that I had finally broken the strings that attached me to my old douchebag of a boyfriend, and I'm feeling more and more thankful everyday for the amazing boyfriend that God has now blessed me with... especially when I think back to what a terrible guy I was with before and how blind I was about it. I have always felt sorry for the next girl and all the things she doesn't know, but at the same time....I had to learn the hard way, just like everyone else. It's just sad that out of a 2 year relationship, the only thing I think about when I think of him is how much better the world would have been if he had never been born....so sad :(



But I love my boyfriend that I'm with now and couldn't ask for a better man with such a good heart.... I have yet to meet a person who can say, "I don't like him or I have a problem with him." He's just that amazing, and I love him for it.




I'm super excited that one week from today, Mr. Amazing himself planned a surprise trip for me, which consists of us driving to Dallas to watch the Stars play the Avalanche (my favorite sports team of all time) and then the next day going to Six Flags to ride rollar coasters all day (another one of my ALL TIME favorite things to do). And all this.... just to make me happy, there is no special occassion. But I did point out that we'll be celebrating our 4 month anniversary, which he didn't realize, lol :D

Five Years Later

I randomly came across an old blog I created when I was a teen in high school....... Similar to this one, but it was actually a diary. I created it under a fake name, with a fake profile so that nobody would find it, but if somebody wanted to.... you could.
Anyway, it was written EXACTLY 5 years ago today....... Here is an excerpt:

If it's the last thing I do.... I will never give up again with what I want. I don't care anymore, and I will never put my trust in a guy again who can't come through. I was right about ___, so I'm pretty sure I can be right about this.

"You've got to trust your instincts

And let go of regrets

You've got to bet on yourself now, star

Cuz that's your best bet"

I want to be in love with life again. I want to laugh and enjoy my senior year with my best friends. I want to let ____ know that she can't hurt me anymore. I want to be free.

Wow....... I read that and my jaw dropped. I forgot about how determined I was...how driven.... and I wonder what happened in the past five years.... I have more direction, but not that same spark. Do I need to be completely miserable for me to want to make a change?

If that's a yes....I'm pretty disappointed in who I am. But I have to say that I am extremely proud of the fact that three months later, I made everything I wanted happen.... and beyond.

El Scorcho

I love practical jokes. A lot of people shit their pants when they saw this public message:

"Dear Howl Family, The due date is June 3rd! Love, Eric and Cecilia

I can't blame anyone at work for believing the message... I think I can even barf from how adorable we are