But I Don't Want to Live That Way....

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over,

But had me believing that it was always something that I'd done....

But I don't want to live that way, reading into every word you say.....

You say that you can let it go,

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know........

I remember sitting at my computer desk, textbooks sprawled out around me as I was studying for a huge mid-term exam in the most dreaded class that I had been stressing about all semester. I finally put myself to bed realizing that if I could get a good night's sleep and wake up early to review my notes, I'd have a better chance at being calm for the test.

As soon as I laid my head down, I got a phone call from two mutual friends asking me to come to a bar to come pick you up because you were trying to drive home drunk. You locked yourself in your red Dodge truck but didn't get far because you completely passed out in the driver's seat, not even moving to acknowledge your friend's banging on your window to try to persuade you to go with them to a safer place.

I drove an hour and a half total to come get you, place you in my car and deliver you to the safety of my bed. I cried myself to sleep again that night thinking about how I always seemed to be picking up the pieces you'd break between us.

I failed my exam the next day; I couldn't concentrate and got no sleep once I finally got to bed at 5 a.m with my exam being at 8 a.m.

If I Had A Brontosaurus

by Shel Silverstein

If I had a brontosaurus,

I would name him Horace or Morris.

But if suddenly one day he had

A lot of little brontosauri

I would change his name

To Laurie.

Lost and found entry

I don't remember what I was so upset about. I counted the bank money furiously and slammed a few things around. I couldn't think straight, I just knew I was pissed and I wasn't sure what I was going to say to him when I saw him next.

There was a knock on the office door. My mind completely stopped, interuppted by reality. I stacked the money together nicely and placed it to the side before opening the door.

There he stood, asking to come in. As angry as I was, to see him biting his nails so nervously made my anger disappear as relief took it's place: he never says sorry, and here he is. I don't think he even had to say anything to have made me as happy as I was at the fact that he was at my door. I looked at him sheepishly and welcomed him in, although I'm sure our manager would probably disapprove of us being alone in the office together.

This is the part where I can't finish. It's the end of it that still kind of kills me. It's one of the best memories I have, despite the circumstances.

Brains and Buffalos

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. 
 
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. This is why you usually feel smarter after a couple of drinks.

 

Here's to becoming faster buffaloes

I don't need to go through a hard time to know that God is on my side, just a reminder that he's a lot closer than I think. It would be stupid of me to think I can go through this alone, because I can't. I have no strength to try, but that's where He comes in to deliver what I can't, and for that.... I thank Him.

 

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

(Psalms 73:26)

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

1 Peter 5:6-7(NKJV)



Who Needs Your Drama?

I think it's pretty amazing to be able to write about something hurtful, but have it come out with a happy ending. In this case, there is no complete happy ending to the problem. However, the bit of happy that does occur is that my heart won't allow it to overtake me or effect me past this.... "initial shock", if you will.

To better explain, I found out something extremely hurtful last night. It destroyed a friendship and hurt my heart when thinking about how much I once cared about this other person who I was once in love with.

But as swiftly as the hurtful emotions came, they just as swiftly left me. I really have no worries, regrets, or hard feelings. Life is still.... great

Besides....there are much better things worth giving time to then to focus on negative people

(introducing my sweet new kitten, Toulouse)

The Good Stuff

This blog is based off the following bible verse:


Phil 4:8- Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.


That verse explains this entry in its entirety.  I don't want to go a single day not praising God for the most wonderful people and things that He has blessed me with. Life is too good to sweat the small stuff, I just want to embrace it instead of regret it.

And if anything.... I don't ever want my life to go too fast to not appreciate everyone and everything.

These are the kinds of things that make life worth living:



Doing what I love, and loving what I do

Knowing you can still count on your best friend from when you were 15, who loves you no matter what





Still finding time to do the things I love most (not drinking, but special events like the private art museum gala :D), regardless of how packed my work week gets



Family










Being blessed with an amazing co-teacher, who turned out to be a great friend also. I wouldn't have had such a great school year if it weren't for my support teacher

 

Making new friends

 



Reconnecting with old friends ("old" as in friends from the past ;P)





Being blessed with a rare job opportunity that is opening up a million more doors to my future.... something I'd been praying about for years



Quality time and play



 



Making Out ;)











Being absolutely and completely blessed to have the best roommate and friend here in Texas



And above all.... I'm thankful to be able to live in a country that is not ruled by extremists or under harsh confinements that  allows us to have freedom of speech and the right to worship our own God. 

Sorry if I got all patriotic on ya'll, but really.... I think that Americans don't know how good we really have it. I'm so thankful to be where I am right now, and I want to continue to work as hard as I can to try to make life great for me and everyone else :)

On the Other Side of Things....

I present to you the first "Cecilia" song by artist Louis Prima in the 1950's (one of my favorite eras!):

Does your mother know you're out, Cecilia?

Does she know that I'm about to steal ya?

Oh my, when I look into your eyes,

Something tells me you and I should get together

How's about a little kiss, Cecilia?

Just a kiss you'll never miss, Cecilia...

Why do we two keep on wasting time

Oh, Cecilia say that you'll be mine.

But here's the real meat of this post.... I'm really pretty happy being single. I like that for once, I can just put myself and my needs first. I don't have to babysit anyone... I don't have to lay awake at night worrying that I might be dating a scumbag. Or the other way around.... or whatever.

I've been a real bitch with writing so pessimistically now that I've started co-writing the Douchebag blog. It's almost a little unfair in the fact that I really am not against dating; I've met some of the most awesome and interesting guys, it's just.... just that. Not much more. And then there's.... well, all of the douchebags.

I decided today when I was talking to a friend, that the advice I actually give needs to be FULLY applied to my life. I'm hypocritical if I tell my friends to stop thinking about their past significant other and to get past all the bad stuff, if I myself keep throwing up my own red flags when a guy comes along. I need to give people more of the benefit of the doubt, it's just hard when I automatically think back to past assholes. So, from now on:

*I will stop comparing present people to the past people. I will do everything I can to remember that not every guy is the same (maybe they don't ALL want sex? Maybe?)


*I will no longer let any person in my past hold me back from continuing to be the amazing person that I am (that they obviously didn't see in time) and all the goals that I want to accomplish.

And if that goal is to be in a relationship, so be it. I just know I'll never settle again.

Get the Facts Straight

Mexico was amazing... coming back to Houston.... not so much.

I wish I didn't have to come back from Cozumel to hear about people whose implications are absolutely tearing me apart.

I am entitled to be happy with whomever I want or choose to be with, which is just the same in your case. Some relationships don't work out, some do.

For those of you who know what I'm talking about, please go back to my past blog dated October 19th, 2010. Or better yet, any of my posts that were written in March 2010.

Now, tell me if my Facebook status about a certain guy never making me happy was about him.

You do the math. You should have known that at one point, yes, everything was great and amazing. But it didn't work out. It wasn't going to work out. We tried... and God knows that I tried. I don't care if you're upset about him and I. It was OUR relationship, not yours.

And now, *shocker*, things are different. We're dating other people, which means... there are different things going on that have nothing to do with him and I. It's been months, we're over it. That's how life works, you can't just stay stuck in the past. Time to go forward.

And also.... I'm very different about breakups than other people.

When someone gets betrayed by their signficant other, they usually don't want anything to do with them and want to forget the past. Even though I might have felt betrayed and hurt and wished I could forget it all, the past is not something that you can just take back. Which is why I've never tried to change or alter it.

If you're really going to "dig" into my Facebook, you'll notice that anything I have ever posted about a good time/event that I've had in the past few years with another person has NEVER been deleted. This includes "relationship" pictures, profile pics with the other person, wall posts, notes, etc. I don't want to forget the good times, what's the use of erasing them? I get no satisfaction in trying to. Everybody is different with how they "mourn" a relationship.

Nonetheless.... I'm happy to be where I have been.

So with all this said and done:

Leave me and my current dating situations alone; leave my past alone. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and everything has its own ups and downs.

Just stop trying to bring me down too.

Leavin', on a jet plane....

I haven't been to Denver in two years. I'm flying out in 5 hours, and I don't want to go anymore.

My grandfather died, and I feel as though I owe it to him to say goodbye. I know it's not necessary to have to say goodbye at a funeral, there's just more to this mix of guilt than what meets the eye...

I leave for Mexico on my first vacation in less than a week, and I have a few extra hundred dollars that I am putting towards beach time and pina coladas... so it didn't feel right to know I had that money in hand when my frequent flier miles says they will pay for half my flight, while the other half of the money wants to be spent in Mexico.

I did everything I could to make it work with taking time off, with trying to extend my expenses as far as my wallet would allow... and it worked. I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself on my own vacation if I knew that I had chosen it over supporting my family and really saying goodbye to my grandfather. I really loved him.

So now that the flight is on schedule, my bags are packed, and a car and room have been arranged... I don't wanna go.

Last time I tried to leave Denver, I cried. I didn't want to leave my family, I didn't want to leave my best friend, and I didn't want to leave my coffee date at 6 a.m. with a person I should have never been with. What was harder on that visit was that I DROVE to Colorado, so I literally had to drive away. I had never wanted to turn my car around so badly than that morning.

So, to make things easier on myself... I've completely avoided all means of returning back. I didn't want to feel that kind of hurt again... it was beyond homesick, and I didn't like it.

Especially because now I'm really happy in Houston. I have settled in so well, and I have so many things rolling in my favor; I can't imagine ever moving back to Denver right now, I feel like I'd be missing out on too much here in Houston.

And the sad part is, when I packed up my U-Haul and said au revoir to my home of 19 years... I didn't feel anything then. No sadness, remorse, or guilt... I was excited for my adventure, for the unknown. I didn't really look back, just forward.

But that doesn't mean I never missed my family or friends. I was just ready for something more. I loved to travel (and still do), so I was just giving in to that. I just didn't realize how permanent this was gonna stick. And I'm still willing to go somewhere else, when the time is right.

But a visit to Denver... it's not the same anymore. I don't want to feel like I did before. And I don't want to feel guilty knowing I am in love with Houston and feeling this sad for Denver. Denver is gorgeous, the people are amazing... I just don't know if it's possible to really be in love with two things at once. Once I had let go of Denver, I was then able to really appreciate Houston (and that seriously didn't happen until this past February).  Maybe being single and not working at a bar has something to do with it?

I don't know. I really don't, so I guess... until next time.

It's really too bad

He became a prisoner of his own past

He stabbed a moment in the back

With a brown thumb tack

That held up the list of things he's gotta do

Its really no good

He's moving on before he understood

He shot the future in the foot

With every step it took

From the faces that he knew,

Cause he forgot to look....

A certain shade of green,

tell me, is that what you need?

All signs around say move ahead.
Could someone please explain to me your ever present

lack of speed?

 

Are your muscles bound by ropes?

Or do grudges cloud your day?

My sources say the road is clear,

and street signs point the way.

 

Are you gonna stand around till 2012 A.D.?

What are you waiting for,

A certain shade of green?

I think I grew a gray watching you procrastinate.

What are you waiting for,

A certain shade of green?

 

Would a written invitation

signed, "Choose now or lose it all,"

sedate your hesitation?

Or inflame and make you stall?

You've been raised in limitation,

but that glove never fit quite right.

The time has past for hand-me-downs,

choose a new, please evolve, take flight.

Green.

What are you waiting for?

A written invitation?

A public declaration?

A perfect consolation?

Remember when you procrastinate you choose last.

I think I grew a gray watching you procrastinate.

Are you gonna stand around till 2012 A.D.?

What are you waiting for,

A certain shade of green?

I think I grew a gray watching you procrastinate.

Thrills

I know my mumsie (yes, mumsie... or mummy) would kill me, but I'm not sure about my father.... I think it'd be a mix of "What the f, Cecilia?" and a little bit of pride knowing he had raised a ballsy daughter, but if they found out what has been stuck in my head the past few weeks.... I'd never hear the end of it.

I'm researching the purchase of a bike. No, not a bicycle.... no, not a workout bike....

GW250 250cc Naked Street Bike

Let me argue this with you, please. I mean, come on.... the freakin' TITLE of the blog is "I Promise I'm Not Crazy." So, let me just list a few things to try to prove my point a bit....

1. I grew up riding dirtbikes. The terrain was more difficult, I already know how to use a clutch and lean into corners and turns... I just need a few pick-me-up test drives (and of course my motocycle license) and I'll be comfortable on the road.

2. You know that when Cecilia gets an idea in her head... it takes a lot to beat it out, or it gets accomplished. Those are the only options in my book.

3. I'm looking for a thrill. Obviously, this one can get me killed.... but so can eating jawbreakers or swimming off the coast of Galveston. And riding has always been a HOBBY of mine. I don't want to buy a dirtbike to ride on trails by myself... THAT feels odd, it's a different feeling and concept then being on a real road. And it's not realistic to try to put a trailer on my CR-Z (or having to get a vehicle to pull the trailer), then buy a trailer, just to ride alone somewhere far in Texas. I'm kind of more of a social rider too, I liked riding with my dad, brother, or sister.

4. Fuel economy!!! :D


The bike pictured above is the only one I have researched that I'm really interested in, but not until I sit on quite a few and get a feel for the handling will I decide before browsing to purchase.... and I'll start used.

And this probably won't be for another 2 years or so... maybe a gift to myself when I finish my Bachelors?

Can't win for losing

I would never have imagined such a rare numbness like the kind I felt that night and next morning. I laid stick straight in my bed, still wearing that day's tee shirt and my jeans. I never lay in bed with jeans, it's the most uncomfortable article of clothing to sleep in for me. But I could not bring myself to undress. Everything felt wrong.

I fell asleep, although it wasn't easy. I woke very early, could feel the uneasiness in my stomach. I didn't dare move, not just because I didn't want too, but because I didn't feel physically capable. The numbness doubled, and I stared at my wall for hours, praying that the feeling wouldn't last much longer. What do I do now?

I hestitated before I finally rolled over and peered at the person next to me. I stared at their back, wondering how I could get them to turn and face me without having to touch them. I didn't want to be in my bed. I knew I couldn't get up either to put my shoes on to walk out. I couldn't imagine what I would do if the person rolled over and saw me leave. I wanted to run away from this mess, from all the problems and hurt.

Finally, they turned over, still asleep. I moved closer and gently put my head against their chest. I hoped that this simple action would calm my nerves and help ease my agony. I thought, even if this doesn't feel right or make it better... I'm pretty sure things can't feel worse right now.

Wrong.

Because just like always... the feel of my body on his made him instinctively pull me closer. He wrapped both arms around me and tenderly laid his head right above mine. He did this as he slept, because that's what he always did. His natural reflex was to comfort me when I moved in the night, to always stay close... and I always welcomed it. It was what I loved most about him, the way he held me consciously and subconsciously.

Oh, how I shook. It was uncontrollable and painfull. It poured out of me harder than I've ever felt or seen, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. His sweet, delicate sign of affection had resulted in taking away any kind of steadiness that I was desperately trying to cling to. I heaved and I shook, and I couldn't control my sobs.

He knew. He held me, waited for it all to pass. And that was the end of us.

Oh what the hell she says
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times
I don't know what I'm doin'
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now

She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don't let her see

I still remember how good it felt to come home late at night, always sneaking in as quietly as possible in an attempt to not wake my sleeping roommate. Heading straight to my room, I'd peel off each piece of the evening's work clothes and replace them with boy shorts and a tank top, while anxiously awaiting to pour myself a margarita and pop him open a Bud Light.

The patio door would be kept open, and the two cats would stroll outside to sit on the couch overlooking the pool from our balcony. I'd sip my drink and gaze in whatever direction he pointed at, listening and observing the constellations I had never been familiarized with.

With his arm around me and my legs draped across his lap, we drank and talked into the early morning hours as the rest of the world slept.

How easy it is to forget how great these moments are once they're gone.

Whoever said life was fair? A complete idiot.

I'm not one to really want to complain about the current situation I'm in, but then again, why is it that great opportunities refuse to spread themselves out over time when they're in my favor? I don't like being bombarded with too many choices that all seem too good to pass up. So although things seem to be looking UP UP UP for me... here comes the downside of not knowing what the fuck to do with it all.

I finally just figured out the hidden mystery of what to do with myself in a college setting. It feels amazing to not be aimlessly walking around a campus wondering what purpose I have being there (oh yeah... because it's the American Dream to go to college and waste thousands of your money/parents money on partying and switching majors ten million times). So, after months of research and trying to get some kind of degree plan down, I've been shoved in the hussle and bussle of transfering transcripts and talking to advisors to get to my goal of finishing school (in 10 years), when amazing jobs start calling my name.

I love to work. I'd rather work than be a student. Guess what? That's why I don't have a degree. I put school second in everything I do, and I'm still degree-less and working twice as hard for half the money that I could be making.

I know, I know, boo hoo Cecilia.... we're just now getting out of a recession, and I'm complaining that I have too many jobs and too many people who want me to work for them. I don't want to take what I have for granted. But how much of that do I do when I work myself into the ground each week with 75+ hours?

I worked one job of 45 hours the week of Spring Break, and felt like I was on vacation. I think I've made myself get addicted to working so harshly, and I really want to stop.

I feel like the kids I teach make just as much of an impact on my quality of life as I do theirs. I don't want to stop teaching, but it's impossible to try to keep it up and be a student myself. Nonetheless, I still HAVE to work to pay my bills. I will never really know the luxury of what it means to be just a full time student UNLESS I can prove myself to the school with good enough grades to be able to get grants and scholarships to pay for my needs.

I'm going to hate leaving the school to be able to go to college. But I'm going to hate not going to college if all I did was the school.

I can't quit the hospital because of future job opportunities and because of tuition reimbursment. Besides the fact that I have to get a 2.5 to get the reimbursment, I WILL NOT allow myself to get anything below a 3.8. I want to do this, and do it right. I'm pretty sure that goal will not be anywhere near obtainable with working 75 hours.


So.... how the hell do I solve this equation?

The Past returns to me, without the haunting

How did I find myself here?, was all I thought as I sat on a bar stool with a Noble Pilsner and my ex boyfriend next to me. He called and asked to "hang out," which I declined. He persisted, and the tone of his voice reeked of desperation. I finally agreed, and drank my beer and decided to order some sort of food for my slightly upset stomach, and prepared to listen to whatever it was he had to say.

"I'm living with this woman who is amazing. She's everything I ever wanted, she takes great care of me. Our sex is great, and we enjoy just hanging out." I nod, tell him I'm happy for him, and continue eating, waiting for some bomb. Or was this an attempt to find some kind of affirmation for the fact he fucked me over years ago? That doesn't make much sense, but then again, being with him never did. I continued eating and drinking, without feeling the need to really reply but with the occasional nod of my head when necessary.

It is then, (as if it's the most natural thing in the world for people to talk about), that he casually switches from the topic of his amazing sex life to telling me he can't stop thinking about me. He goes to bed wondering what I'm doing, wanting to talk to me. He misses my green eyes. He's crazy over the fact I died my hair black, something he loves to see on a woman. He can't believe I bought a CR-Z. He craves the way I look in my sundresses, and the feel of me sleeping next to him at night.

He makes me turn to him, and holds my hands in his. I know he senses my stiff body language and sees my empty eyes.

"I realize now what I lost. You worked and fought so hard for us, and I was stupid to not see it and to walk away from you. I would do anything to have another chance, I've learned my lesson and I can't stop thinking about what we could be now. We've both changed, we could be great, Cecilia."

There isn't anything that I wouldn't have given to hear those words. I prayed, cried, and pleaded with God to have this man come back to me, to reclaim his love and realize that I was perfect for him, to want me again.

But... there isn't anything that I wouldn't have given to have heard those words years ago. I listen to him telling me these things, and at first I feel nothing. Absolutely, nothing. I am at a loss for words. I don't want to comfort him, and yet I don't want to reject him.

After a minute, it settles in a little more. I now have the urge to hit him. Not the sterotypical across-the-face-woman-slap, but a closed fist punch in the nose. How dare he show up into my life and confess such stupid things to me? I began to realize that what were supposed to be words of love in his confession, were more like words filled with his own selfish desires... words that were mixed with his own self-absorption of wanting to make his own life better, instead of thinking about the lives he has hurt, and the soon to be others.

After a moment of staring at my blank look, he lets my hands go. The only thing I can do is poke at my salad, waiting for a calm breath. What feels like an eternity, I finally find the words to speak, but couldn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah, I did work hard for you. You fucking broke my heart and left me, and I still worked hard because I loved you and didn't feel like either one of us deserved to go through the pain that breakup caused. I waited and waited for you to realize this, to say you were sorry. You now need to go back home, and work on what you do have with your amazing girl. Like you said, if you really did learn your lesson... then you wouldn't be here with me right now ruining the good thing you do have."

I finally looked up, and all the brightness that was in his face was gone. "What do you want, Cecilia? In general, with anybody... WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

This threw me for a loop. A real freakin' figure eight of a loop that I didn't know how to answer. I poked my salad again, pushing croutons around and feeling even more uncomfortable. This conversation was torture.

"I want to be with someone, who doesn't have to lose me to see what they had."

Our faces mirrored the same blankness in our expressions. He requested the check and rushed back to his place, the place where his girlfriend was waiting for him, not even knowing where he had been or with whom.

I drove away in my car, and ended the night blasting the song "Notion" by Kings of Leon.

Right-side Up

I can't believe it. What a difference my life has turned within the last six weeks. It's as if I've been roaming the walls of a dark room and suddenly found the hidden light switch; a switch that would completely turn my world upside down, but puts all the pieces back in the right place.

It's amazing what you can learn from a 3 year old

It's been cold as heck this week in Houston, Texas. One of the main perks of moving down south was to try to escape the cold, so I'm really disappointed that I've had to reach deep into the back of my closet to find a bunch of old snowboarding winter clothes to wear to try to keep warm through this freeze.

With cold weather comes crazy children at the school. They all have cabin fever from being cooped up, and I don't blame them, but... wow, it's driving me crazy too.

On Friday, I'm sitting on the floor with my back up against the wall, watching my precious three year-olds attempt to hula-hoop to their favorite song from the Disney movie, Cars (it's the Rascal Flats song, and if I didn't like the band I probably would have never burned a disk that is repeated as often as this one is). Although the music is blaring, my "teacher ears" can hear from the distance somebody crying. After surveying the room, there's a sweet little boy who is farely new to the class hiding under a table and crying softly. He is easily coaxed to come out and gladly accepts letting me "cradle" him and smoothing his hair. I try not to really "baby" my 3's, but there are times where really.... a good cuddle is necessary.

As we sit together and he's wiping his tears, I ask him what's wrong. He looks at me and begins to bawl again, telling me that he misses his sister and wants to play with her right now. I nod my head and continue to console him, with my efforts going nowhere.

"But sweetie, she has to play in her class and you have to play in yours. You both can make new friends and be happy, and then see each other later on. She's very happy, so you should try to be too."

Now at this point, I stop to think about what I was really telling this boy. After truly hearing my own advice, I'm immediately hit by a hypocritical slap in the face. Who was I to tell him to move on from a loved one, when I currently couldn't do so myself? He's very happy, I should try to be too....

I continued to hold him in my lap and rocked to the song, Life is a Highway, and told the boy that it's ok to be sad.... only time is going to help. Because that much I know is true.

This is for you, Haters

It saddens me that there are people out there who are ill-wishers of others, including myself. If anything, I'm posting this entry to rub salt in your sorry wounds, and to express how happy I really am with my life.

I love my boyfriend. He is amazing in so many ways, and I can't thank him enough for giving me the right kind of support when I need it. Times have gotten really hard, but somehow he's still here with me, and we're about to celebrate one year together next month.





Thank you Mr. Wonderful for the surprise roses and Nutella when I was having a rough day last week:

I just got accepted for a laboratory technician position at the Methodist Hospital. It took a lot of interviews and prayers, but I finally nailed it and I feel so accomplished even though I haven't started the job yet. I'll be making more money, full benefits and time off.... and best of all, TUITION REIMBURSEMENT.

I also have the love of 22 different 2's and 3 year olds. I love teaching those children and hearing them call my name and rush to sit in my lap to read them a story. Each one of them mean something different to me in their own little way, and I love and cherish them. I can't quit the job no matter how tired I get from working at the Hospital.... I enjoy playing and teaching them too much. This job has turned into a whole different kind of passion, and the results are endless as the days go on and the children and I learn different things together. Below is some of our fun class art we've made:

And I'm still dancing on pianos on the weekends. Hanging with the best roommate I could ever ask for. Snuggling kitties under blankets. Shooting guns and enjoying sports and good food with my man.

Definitely living the life....